Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Cars, Bumper Stickers and Things That Go Bump in the Night: By Lezah

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My Dad has long been a foe of bumper stickers or any other post-market addition or alteration that one might attach, affix, or otherwise fasten to a car. When I was in university I bought what was supposed to be an economical car (Volkswagen Rabbit - ranks right up there in the list of 'worst cars I ever owned') to commute with, which came complete with a very nice, tiny little 'Yukon Territories' sticker in the rear window - very unique, very low-key, very small, very tasteful. I liked it (in retrospect, it ended up being the ONLY thing I liked about hat car). Well, within about 20 minutes of me bringing the car home, my Dad went outside and then shortly thereafter came back in the house, all proud of himself - he had scraped every last remnant of that poor little sticker off the rear window. I wasn't too happy, but hey, don't sweat the small stuff, as they say...

A fellow I worked for while in university was a little 'connected' (if you know what I mean) - he drove a big ole Caddie, and on the back he had a bumper sticker which read:

        "Of all the dirty, rotten, low-down ideas - I like yours the best!"

That one always made me laugh - it was so 'him'.

However, since the Yukon Territories power struggle, I have never had occasion to have a bumper sticker - but now that I'm out on my own, and buying vehicles with my own money (not that I wasn't before, but somehow my Dad always considered any car of mine to be his property) - well, I figure I can do what I want, and boy have I gone wild! Girls gone wild! I'm sure you've seen me in the videos! Spring break, Florida, whoopin' it up - you know what I mean! And that's me, in the background, driving a vehicle with a 'BBC Radio Orkney' bumper sticker! Wild and crazy! A rebel!

But seriously... I think perhaps I have at least a little of my Dad's non-stock car prejudices in me, in spite of my attempts to be oh-so liberal. Every time I see one of those cars with the fake bullets holes in it, it just - I don't know - flabbergasts me. It boggles the mind. I cannot wrap my brain around it. Why on earth would someone want another person to think that they had been used for target practice? What gives!?!

I'm sure you know what I mean - I'm sure you have them where you live, too. They're extremely popular here - but again, I can't fathom why. The first time I saw one, I thought - 'WOW! Someone shot at that car!!'

Let me tell you, if you haven't seen these things, or just haven't noticed them - they are SO realistic. I've been known to stand in parking lots and peer at them myopically, just to ascertain that they are, indeed, stickers and not the real thing.

And maybe I can understand some gangsta wannabe trying to look tough - but usually, these things are on cars driven by mid-aged people, cars complete with child's car-seats in the back. Is it a mid-life crisis thing? Please - explain.
Even more mind boggling is a person I know who would have been called a 'peacenik' way back when, who has a 'Peace' bumper sticker (complete with dove) on her vehicle - and also has these fake bullet holes. HUH??? I think I'm getting a mixed message here - or perhaps it's intended to be ironic, and I'm just missing the point (but I don't think so...).

And things that go bump in the night? Sorry, that story will have to what for another time...

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