Thursday, December 27, 2012

Does Size Matter...? Christine Albrecht

At 1:30 a.m., Boxing Day/ 27th, I was aimlessly surfing television channels , when I happened upon a ‘men’s channel with an in-the-moment “infomercial” - clearly targeted to men - pushing a product. I was immediately drawn to the infomercial by its constant declaration that, “Size DOES Matter!”  I was probably drawn in for reasons different than the average male viewer, but boy did it ever get my attention. 

A variety of young (22-34), beautiful women were sharing their ‘true/ confessional’ experiences. I tried to imagine I was one of the poor saps listening to these ladies’ ‘secrets’; a man who is entirely normal/ physically adequate, etc., watching this infomercial, and subsequently questioning whether his nether region is big enough and is his present girlfriend/wife truly satisfied with his member’s size in bed. 

As each of these young women giggled their way through their intimate testimonial of disappointment, it became painfully obvious (and in some cases, blatantly vocalized) that a man’s penis size will be the deal breaker for these women in a relationship. “What crap is this?” I questioned. Now men, before you get out that credit card, and start bookmarking the site, please hear this lone female out. 

First of all, I am not in the 22 – 34 age range, although I consider myself quite lovely, and given the infomercial’s preference for blondes – I fit right in. That’s where the similarities end. I will be the first to admit that my girlfriends and I have discussed intimate details such as the infomercial’s topic but not once has ‘size’ ever been a relationship’s deal breaker. Humor, compassion, attractiveness, career, intellect, even the shallow ‘has to be taller than me’ has been bandied about, but never penis size. 

For any of you men thinking that you still want to invest in this, then I have to ask what you are looking for? Clearly it’s for a one night stand because if you are already in a relationship, she already has an idea of your ‘size’. If you are that concerned with your size, dazzle your gal with other tricks of the trade, but for God’s sake , do not, for one minute, think that size will count, or that this product will change anything in that area. 

And if, for some reason, you end up with a woman who is highly critical in this area, I have to sit back and laugh. Those darling women in the infomercial are going to be wishing that size WAS their only problem, as the shallow men they will attract will be heading for the hills as soon as these women’s breasts and asses sag, the cellulite dimples, the hair becomes less lush, and the botox more obvious. And of course, after a child or two, they may have to think of their own nether region surgical procedure. 

Men you are perfect the way you are. If you need to lose weight, fine, but do it for yourself. Hair thinning? Great because bald is in. Not feeling as energetic as you once did? Good, neither are we.
I am going on 20 years married to a man who tells me I am beautiful through the highs and lows. And he makes me laugh and think. Combine laughter, with compliments and love, and you will have a love life that will rival others. I love every inch of that man’s physique and I do not anticipate a change anytime soon. 

Put your wallet away; concentrate on your good attributes: physical and personality-wise. If you are in a relationship, look at her good attributes as well.  If you aren’t in a relationship, go out and make what you do possess, shine, because there are women, much like myself, who will think you are wonderful, just the way you are. (And save a little sympathy for those gals on that infomercial, as we all know they are in for some eye-opening truths about love and sex.) 

As they always say, it’s not what you’ve got, it’s how you use it, that counts.