By: Mike
Swank Home
Mike’s Home
I just moved the large shelving unit in my room.
The one that i originally dragged in from the parking lot up the street and hasn't been moved in two years.
Oh the wonderful things I found beneath it.
That navy-blue shirt I really like, the one with the collar.
A bunch of Subway stamps.
My Action Week '96 button.
One of those foamy earplugs.
The cassette single of "Let Your Backbone Slide."
An ancient condom. (used)
Dozens of staples.
And a nest of Gigantic Spiders.
Not those little 'make a web in the corner and keep to myself' kind of spiders. These were 'hulking, prehistoric, talon-legged, running and jumping and tearing your flesh to ribbons' type spiders.
Two of these beastly fuckers could take down a well trained adult greyhound, I'm sure of it.
What amuses me the most is the fact that until I moved the shelving unit, we were apparently living in harmony.
Or maybe not.
Maybe they've been filling my various bodily cavities with their eggs while i sleep.
Maybe they've been feasting on my feet and legs for sustenance, (that would explain those mysterious bites.)
Maybe they've been feasting on that fossilized condom, (that would explain their incredible, almost pterodactyl-like strength and agility, not to mention their tasteful facial hair.)
Anyway, the important thing is I found that Maestro Fresh Wes tape.
I wanna rock right now.
(And yes, the title of this post is a ZZ Top reference.)
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