Saturday, February 23, 2008

Puppy Scratch Fever By: Mike Gillis

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"Dude, how was your Valentine's Day?"

"You know... It was the usual depressing shitshow that comes with being single on Valentine's Day."

"I thought you said you were going to a bar or something?"

"I did. I went to that college bar that all the freshman chicks go to. I brought a shoebox full of puppies with me."


"Yeah. Chicks love puppies. Puppies are the Lemon Gin of the animal kingdom."

"So what happened?"

"I got swarmed man. It was great. This one girl was all over me."

"What was her name?"

"I dunno. Sandra or Dawnette or something."

"Did you hook up?"


"What do you mean 'almost'?"

"Well, it was all aces at first. She was gaga for those puppies. It was pretty much a slam dunk, but then I botched it."


"I said, 'If you like these puppies you'll LOVE my bed. My sheets are made of puppies'."


"Face slapped. Puppies confiscated. Ass kicked to curb."


"I know. She must have been vegan or something."

"So... where did you get the puppies in the first place?"

"Found 'em in some dude's yard."



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