Mike’s Musings - Baby Fingers

By Mike

Swank Home


Mike’s Home




Lots of times when I'm temporarily stranded in a crowded place, like waiting in line somewhere for something, I pass the time by making retarded faces at babies and small children when their parents aren't looking. usually the child will giggle or make a face back. (Unless of course it's a retarded child, in which case I wouldn't have made a face at him/her in the first place, as I've been told that's cruel.)

Anyway, the point is this amuses me greatly.

Especially if it's a toddler who squeals loudly or misbehaves in some way when they see me and their parent cautions them to, ‘Be Quiet’, at which point the child will become frustrated and insist that that man over there is making faces, to which the parent will then hiss, ‘Stop It!’ or threaten to renege on the promise of McDonalds. I love this.

And besides, even if it happens to be one of those parents who actually believes what their young child says, by the time they look my way I'm either casually yawning or sullenly looking at my watch.

A) it's bulletproof
B) dance puppets dance

Which brings me to the other day, when I'm waiting in line at my insanely packed grocery store, slowly slipping into a coma of boredom. Time to rile up some kiddies.

There were no toddlers present to get into trouble, but there was a non-retarded baby in a plastic stroller a few feet to my left.

And then, before I could even gnarl my mouth or squintify my eyes, this baby gave me the finger. He didn't flash me the finger briefly. he held that puny middle finger of his aloft and proceeded to poke himself in the face with it.

Taunting me.
The bastard. (Probably)
So naturally, I gave him the finger.
A baby.
And I’m sorry, it felt good.
Try it sometime, I guarantee you can't do it with out laughing out loud. And I promise, the baby will not get upset.
But be stealthy.
I wouldn't want to deal with the wrath of an angry mom who just caught me flipping off her eighteen month old.
Are you giving my baby the finger?!?
Yeah. But he gave it to me first.
You monster! He doesn't know what that means!!
Exactly. So what's the difference?