Monday, January 28, 2008

Lawsuit Pending: By Mike Gillis

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Warning labels.

Promoting safety? Not so much.

Protecting massive companies from getting sued by opportunistic morons?


Or maybe, just maybe, people really are that stupid.

That sticker on your lawnmower that tells you not to put your hand on the spinning blade may seem kind of unnecessary. but perhaps people are practising this. Why? Who knows. They're idiots. And idiots are unpredictable.

You know when you buy new sneakers and there's that little packet of silica gel that says 'do not eat'? If it didn't say that, would you be inclined to actually try some silica gel? "Hey! my new Pro Keds came with this weird packet of granulated chemicals. I should probably eat some."

Me no think so, Tim.

But maybe it's these very warnings that are encouraging people to risk personal health and safety for that sweet sweet negligence claim.

Maybe it's human nature (or at least moron nature) to do exactly what we're told not to.

For example: let's say a bottle of window cleaner came with a warning that states 'not for use on babies'. I'd say it's only a matter of weeks before some yokel brings his or her crying but gleaming infant into the emergency ward wondering what possibly could've gone wrong.

People should know better.

Fact! People do not know better.

A bottle of motor oil that says 'poisonous. Flammable. Delicious?'.

Well... maybe it is, you know?

Only one way to find out.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stare at the sun through a telescope while aiming fireworks at my face until those cans of forks are done in the microwave.

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