Monday, September 17, 2007

If They Can’t Stand the Heat...? By Shane Christensen

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I don’t know about you, but this whole global warming thing is getting out of hand. Everywhere you turn these days, you can’t avoid seeing one thing or another on the topic. Enough already! We get it. Why don’t we respond as we typically do, and just ignore the whole problem? Pretend we don’t notice the ice caps melting, or the polar bears dying. Like really, who's going to miss a bunch of big nasty carnivores who could knock your block off with a single swipe? (I can hear the seals applauding).

And as for the talk of the coastal areas flooding? We’ll make like the Dutch and build a network of dams and dikes. Because they’re already good at building these, we’ll contract the job to the Dutch. I remember being a kid and hearing that Holland was going to be completely under water one day. It didn’t happen now, did it?

That's why you have to balance the negatives with some positives. Surprisingly, there are quite a few positives on this topic. A report that came out of the U.S. (another surprise) noted that the melting of the Northwest Passage glaciers will cut future shipping costs by millions of dollars! And drilling for oil will become easier and less expensive (and there will be less bears and wildlife for the save-all-animals societies to fret over in the event of a big spill). You have to hand it to our American friends for always pointing out the positives.

The Passage is going to be a high traffic waterway in the coming years and with several countries claiming the area as ‘their own’, global warming will seem like an afterthought in the midst of superpowers sparring for oil rich territory. Can you imagine Canada and Denmark going at it? Please! Stop the madness! Oh! The humanity!

So turn that frown upside down and drop all that negative gloom and doom crap. This planet’s proven itself resilient after surviving billions of years already. Surely little ol’ insignificant creatures such as mankind aren’t capable of destroying something as vast and magnificent as an entire ecosystem including its life forms...?

And if those pesky polar bears can’t stand the heat…

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