Career Rehab by Lannon McGregor

Attention celebrities: Has your career lost its spark? Do you suddenly find yourself waiting in line, like a schmuck, at your favorite restaurants? Has your agent stopped returning your phone calls?

Well Dr. Drew has just the prescription to rejuvenate your career and help you get back on top. Well… at least to the middle.

The program’s called ‘Celebrity Rehab’, the unscripted television series that cuts right to the heart of your most private affairs. Just pick up your nearest crack pipe, and/or bottle of scotch, and check yourself into the Pasadena Recovery Center. Why detox in private when you can do it in front of the glamorous eye of the camera?

At the Pasadena Recovery Center you'll find yourself surrounded by some of the most talented professionals in the field as well as some of Hollywood's top D-list stars. People such as:

Michael Lohan, Amy Fisher, Dennis Rodman, Heidi Fleiss, and the great Tom Sizemore!

Notice the instant changes in your popularity as people get to see a depiction of the real you instead of the spoiled celebrity they're used to seeing. Take Steven Adler for example (the original drummer for Guns N’ Roses). Adler was kicked out of GNR for his drug problems (which is akin to being kicked out of Rome for being Catholic) but with Dr. Drew’s help, he has become one of the most lovable heroin addicts on television.

So don't hesitate. Visit the Doctor and get your name back on the B-list where it belongs.

None Share by Lannon McGregor

She cuts her skin,
With a razor, so thin
To bleed out all the pain...
which hides inside,
and won't subside,
'til she cuts herself again.

She demonstrates,
a luv for hate,
with words scratched into her arm.
Those words she chose,
Changed as often as clothes,
But they continue to spell out harm.

Nobody felt,
She could love herself,
So why should she even try?
They called her strange,
Tried to blame her age,
While missing the beauty she hides.

Sky Train by Lannon McGregor

I hit the Main Vein Sky Train,

where the public's plague is spreading.
Packed like sardines,
In Electric Death cars -
Downtown bound.

Changin' Lane Season Lannon McGregor

The new months eyes may seem wide,

But they stare backwards to the past.

In no year, I confide...

moves along too fast.

'Cause no day can last a month,

And no month can last a year.

So bring on Autumn's slump,

And Winter's frosted cheer.

Emo Kid by Lannon McGregor

Emo Kid

With a head full of angst

Tries to tell me he aint' got no one to thank;

Painted nails in a fistful of colours.

Looks so different, just like all the others.

Image from all4myspace

The Swimmer BY: Lannon McGregor

I'll swim Autumn's seas,


‘til my skin’s biting numb;


I'll leave behind the trees...


and what the world’s become.


I’ll say goodbye to family,


to friends and enemies;


I’ll put everything behind me...


‘til it’s me against the sea.

Let the city go.


It can rot for all I care.


Along with stuff that people bought,

from apathetic millionaires.


My arms will soon grow tired...


and ya, I'll probably sink. 


But I'll be free from all defilers,


adrift in my utopic drink.


None by Lannon McGregor

She cuts her skin
With a razor so thin
And bleeds out all the pain
That hides inside
And won’t subside
‘Til she cuts herself again.

She demonstrates
Her discovered fate
Thru words scratched in her arm
Words carefully chose
Changed as often as her clothes
But always still spelled harm.

No one else felt
She deserved love for herself
So why should she even try?
They called her strange,
Passed it off as a stage,
Still blinded to the beauty that she hides.

Sinderella's Last Sweep By: Lannon McGregor

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Midnight was marked by screams from their bedroom.

"I'm unhappy, John!" howled Sinderella, with her fury unleashed in his direction. John was confused.

Sinderella had been very happy earlier that day when she had told him how, unbelievably excited she was to be with him; and how she couldn't wait to find a job close to his house, so they could move in together, and get married!

Yes, John and Sinderella were deeply in love. They had met seven months prior and fell madly, deeply, and instantly in love.

Of course, they had their problems as most couples do, but Sinderella seemed unable to move beyond the general “couple bickering”. When the “bickering” got to be too much for her, she would denounce the feasibility of their relationship; leaving John begging forgiveness, while alternately declaring his undying love,in order for her to return.

John offered to act out these memorized scenes, as he truly didn't know how else to keep Sinderella happy.

In hindsight, he had quit his “bad” habits for her; he bought her nice, “random” gifts; gave her copious amounts of attention, and provided her with affection whenever he thought she might need it.

Despite John’s efforts, every once in a while he and Sinderella would have an argument which would result in her final assessment that she and John were not 'as happy' together as they had originally been led to believe.

Despite her occasional misgivings; John had never had any doubts. He knew the moment he met Sinderella, he wanted to marry her.

He often reminisced back to that day when he first saw her, sitting on a bench with this incredible, giant-white, aura reflecting about her. The aura’s blinding light merely highlighted the absolute perfection of Sinderella’s unconventional beauty.

John vaguely understood how relationships work. First rule he always told himself - It is natural for couples to fight. They are known for it - especially in the first year.

But by midnight, tempers were flaring at both ends, and at an all-time high.

"I don't know how to keep you happy!" John screamed, while Sinderella’s Dad continuing to snore loudly, oblivious, in the adjacent room.

"I have tried, Baby. I really have! I love you more than life itself, and I just don't know what to give anymore." He paused to gauge her reaction.

She exhaled a sigh, while simultaneously cracking a smirk, and announced in her 'little-girl voice' to John, “Are you going to Fix the shoes?"

"Fix the ... what? What do you mean? The shoes are fine."

Yes, she knew the shoes were fine; she was joking with him and when he realized the joke after her third: Fix...” repetition. This indicated the end of the spat. He was relieved that the fight was over, and relieved she loved him again.

John and Sinderella’s roaring laughter replaced the earlier hate-filled screams for the rest of the evening.

When John got off work the next day, he went home and tried to relax. Again, it had not been a great day. With a shitty day, comes a man’s need to talk to the woman he loves. He just needs to hear three-little-words to set things ‘right’ in his world.

Sinderella neglected to say those words. Purposely? John proceeded to sulk and spout off like a complete idiot. And so, the cycle continued.

This, in turn, sent Sinderella into a rage: "I am done with you!" she screamed. "You are toxic to me, and to our relationship!"

John was shocked and somewhat bewildered. After she left, he decided to switch off his phone; relax the rest of the night, and hopefully she would be calmer by the morning.

When morning came, he found that she hadn't tried to contact him at all. John is generally an impatient guy, but he felt it was important that he try playing this waiting game, (although she usually won). Of course, this time was no different, so a new approach would be needed.

He told her he was fine with her “breaking up” with him, and (gulp) he couldn't be happier (which was a total lie). In reality, the only thing he wanted was Sinderella. He wanted her attention; her affection. He worried that perhaps he wanted too much.

Sinderella's response? After she and John had fought the night before, she decided to go out with another man whom she was also starting to have strong feelings for.

John felt ruined and disillusioned. Never before had he felt a love so powerful, yet here he was, losing his grasp on it? He also wondered if he was also losing his grasp on life as he’d known before?

Yes, he determined, he had lost his grasp on his love, and on his life as he'd known it.

To John, Sinderella had been completely honest in the seven months they were together. When she told him how happy he made her and how quickly she wanted to marry him, he felt loved and accepted. But now, he felt betrayed and discarded. She couldn't even wait two hours to move on to another man? To say he felt 'useless' was the ultimate understatement.

John went home after work to an empty house; grabbed his roommate's gun from its hidden spot and blew his jealous brain all across the carpet.

As love seeped and trickled out of the fresh wound in John’s temple, his last thought was how he couldn’t exist in a world where people could abuse their power to randomly hurt others.

John felt this was the only way out - this was his end of the road. Now, if only he would have waited just one more day.

We all know that time heals all wounds.

Well, that is... except gunshots to the head.

The Hitchhiker: By Lannon McGregor

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His soul has long been sold.
He walks close alongside death;
His legs are growing old.
In fact, getting older with each step taken.
His body shakes in waves of panic,
As he walks amongst the stars.
Calm twilight, sidewalk graves,
And the highway's hissing cars.

They said he'd appreciate a mile of sun,
When he had walked a mile of rain.
But lonely storm clouds can't be outrun,
And show little signs of change.
The wetness weighs him down,
And now he struggles with each step.
His heavy eyes loathe the sight of ground,
And his lungs draw tired breaths.

Beautiful British Columbia By: Lannon McGregor

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Beautiful B.C.

It's the rainy days

that are swept away,

when the sun cracks through the clouds.

It’s the haunting way

in which the beauty's saved,

from the city’s smoggy crowds.

It’s the way the world

hides precious pearls

on the shores of the roaring sea.

It’s yours, it's mine,

in rain or shine...

It’s beautiful B.C.

A piece of advice...

Next time you’re stuck in a rut of self loathing; when you feel like nothing can possibly get better because things could never be worse than they presently are. Whenever you think others, in far off tropical lands, have it so much better than you...

Take a look out your window and breathe it in; cuz you live in British Columbia - the greatest fuckin’ place in the entire world.

Images: ecotoursvictoria.com/, vantoptours.com, farm1.static.flickr.com, whale-images.com

Pick Ton By: Lannon McGregor

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A few police in ol' B.C.

Searched Willy's farm,

and found some teeth.

The rivers swelled,

As numbers tolled

and ANGELS fell

Where HELL runs cold.

See the hate in Willy's eyes,

See all the twisted ways to die.

Ask the pigs

Fed and big

Oh, if only they could talk.

They'd sniff at the mud

in thirst of blood,

and tell you of the meat Willy brought.

They'd watch the Mounties' patience boil,

While digging deep through Willy's soil.

They can't wipe their hands from the stench of shit,

They've seen a lot, just not this sick.

They've seen rape; they've seen dead,

But they can't see the HATE in Willy's head.

Rot In Hell!

L.M.

Remember The Women.

Modern Pirate: By Lannon McGregor

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Pirate man,

Is using hands,

While digging cities' garbage cans.

Sucking Blood,

Rolling Mud,

Eating - Breathing,

The cities' sludge.

There he sleeps,

On cracked concrete

Wakes up wide-eyed, incomplete.

With a shopping cart,

He's modern art,

Grudgingly fed

from the bottom of our hearts.

Worn out souls

In both heart and shoes.

But never stole,

That he can't use...

A Bean to Pick with Starbucks by Lannon McGregor

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I woke myself from a short sleep to greet Monday with saggy, heavy eyes. The morning air was topped with a crispy crust of fog with a mist and cloud-filled center.

Habit forced me to stop for my usual Starbucks' fix. Lucky for me, I had half a dozen Starbucks' outlets to choose from during my five-minute walk to the Sky Train Station in downtown Vancouver.

While I was waiting for my Venti Americano (aka extra-large coffee), I impulsively grabbed a bottle of water and paid $1.99 for this 'seemingly' normal beverage.

Now, allow me to confess: I am not known for "paying" for water. Call me crazy, but I believe the freshness of water tastes just the same from the tap as it does bottled (aside from the general smug feeling one gets from the obviously elitist choice to pay for water), and such was the case with my purchase of Starbucks' "Ethos" water except Ethos had a promotion which spoke to my innermost humanity.

After looking at the heart-tugging, subliminally prompting, (the image was of clearly thirsty Africans) and reading the "Help the World", or some equally similar hippie-bullshit promotion, I assumed that my Ethos water-purchasing-coins would contribute to implementing change in an otherwise, impoverished country.

And then I scanned the information on the back label which read:

... only 10 cents of my $1.99 contribution would go towards building wells for villagers in Africa...

and, I've gotta tell you, I was appalled. Here's a company which can afford to put two outlets directly across the street from each other, but can't afford to dish out more than 10 cents per bottle towards the promoted charity? Yet somehow they can justify charging two bucks for a bottle of water, by disguising the sale as a lame-ass excuse for a humanitarian mission instead of as the marketing ploy it is? I mean 10 cents? C'mon! That's not even 10% of the proceeds yet the charitable aspect is 90% of their campaign to sell the product. It's ridiculous to think we have to pay as much as $2.00 for water just to get a company to take some responsibility in helping someone.

This whole scheme is marketing at its best. We are always force fed guilt like it's our job, as middle class working stiffs, to help the poor whom these corporations are generally getting rich from. Why do we have to buy a happy meal from billionaire corporations like McDonalds just to encourage their (tax-deductible) charitable contribution of 10 cents to Childrens' Hospital?

Corporations are the only groups with the means to help and provide REAL change, yet time and time again they are ignoring their obligations by constantly passing off the responsibility to their consumers by using these charitable marketing schemes to play on our compassion.

The funny thing about it is, I passed a homeless man on the way in who asked me for change and I told him to get a job. Had I given the clearly, alcohol-dependent man the $2.00 I spent on the water, at least I would have been giving to a more immediate cause, rather than having my money sucked into the vacuum of a faceless corporation. After all, everyone's gotta drink something.

On the plus side, I am glad to see Starbucks do SOMETHING for a country they have been raping for all these years. I wonder how much those Ethiopian bean pickers make per hour?

I wonder if it's more or less than a bottle of Ethos water?

I hear it's awful hot over there...