Saturday, February 10, 2007

Bridezillas and What of the Men who Survive Them? By: Christine Albrecht

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I just completed watching an episode of, Bridezillas (on Life Network .)

The premise of the show is to follow generally normal, ‘nice’ gals and watch as they evolve into these horrible, demanding, arrogant, self-centred divas-for-a-day, brides.

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Weddings aren’t a new concept for me. Having been the centre of attention at two myself; acting as a bridesmaid in five, and having attended nuptials, too numerous to count - I am quite at home with the circus, uhm, I mean ritual.

My first wedding occurred outside at the Queen Elizabeth Park (Vancouver), around 7:00 pm, on a Monday, in the lovely month of June. (Total cost: approximately $650; $400 from my husband and I, and $250 from my Father and Mother as afterwards, they treated 20 of the 30 guests to dinner at a local restaurant ).

10 years later, my next marriage occurred in a small, beautiful chapel in the Interior. (It was one of the original churches of the town where I grew up, and it was the church I attended.) We married at 4:00 on a Friday afternoon, with surprisingly beautiful weather for March).(Total cost: approximately $2100; $1500 from my husband and, again, $1600 from my Father and Mother as they treated 45 of our guests to dinner.) (NO - not fast food!!) However, I had never even heard the term, Bridezilla, until I read of the show’s popularity on Life Network.

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After 30 minutes, I was shocked that the Bridezillas’ fiancees would even go through with the marriage (Then again, I supposed there is an element of fear involved, having been exposed to the ‘Bridezilla personality’ of his future wife.) There was not one girl who (If I were the fellow) I would stick around for, after that ‘lovely’ display of potential future personality disorder, or I would resign myself to sleeping with one eye open. Anyone familiar with the movie, The Exorcist, would get a kick out of the resemblance between the green-pea-soup scene possessed character of the movie, and a typical Bridezilla.

One gal, who become engaged after four days of dating some fellow she accidentally dialled on the phone, actually planned her marriage to occur within thirty days of the aforementioned dates. Her head started spinning around when what she wanted was not available and/or wasn’t being arranged properly. Hello? Come on - do these gals honestly feel that they are the only ones to marry, at that given time, on that given day (and perhaps, in their lifetime)? How delusional can one become?

And the costs...! I consider it fiscal insanity to pay out, for one day, weddings expenses that rival a potential mortgage down payment, or a luxury car purchase. Then I discovered one stark raving, lunatic bride wasn’t even footing the bill for her ‘day’ - her parents were! And darling daughter/ Bridezilla was causing her mother grief at ever step of the way. $#!@#^@#$$^*! I TOLD YOU I wanted the scalloped hemmed veil you $#!@#^#$^*!

Heck, if that were my child, I would be sneaking into the invitations a request for cash gifts (written out the the Mother of the Bride) instead of the usual wedding fare. Forget etiquette - hand over some cheques, please! (Funny thing, my friends would totally agree, whereas my family would probably exchanged those,God’s she’s gotten cheap and tacky with age, all-knowing looks!)

Whew, glad I got all those Bridezilla trauma images out of my system. I didn’t realize how strong an aversion I had to people behaving badly towards: seamstresses, fiancees, mothers, florists, bakers, caterers, wedding planners, etc.

First question of the moment for the fiancees: Was your bride always one of those crazy, very scary, don’t-let-her-play-with-sharp-objects kind of gal? Was she always a perfectionist to detail and ‘symmetry? Did your bride end up having a meltdown at the reception because some doily colour was wrong, and it was her day! Damnit and she wanted things perfect! Did the date of expiry on everything (usually dated for that day) expire a little too quickly? And why did you, as a fellow and having finally seen the good, bad and ugly, stick around with this potential nut? Or, are you one of those few, who actually called it off from the get-go after seeing what sort of long-term mess you were getting into?

Now one last, silly observance... please humour me... why are people now using the response, “I do”, when it used to be,”I will”? Now, I know I am not that ancient, but come on, when did this change? I think I have had my fill of weddings for awhile.

Queen Elizabeth Park

Interior Church from: anglicanimages

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