Saturday, September 30, 2006

It's ‘Cause I Comb my Beard With Honey - Mike Gillis

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The sound of dead and dying leaves; the smells emitted by trees and plants slowly stumbling into their winter comas; the sidewalks a sea of sweaters and scarves; the cool mountain air roaming in and scaring the humidity out of town.

It was because of these things that I let my guard down.

And it was because I let my guard down that the wasp attacked me and chased me for two city blocks.

When the temperature dips low enough to warrant the breaking out of the leather coat, I officially stop worrying about wasps, bees, flies, dragon flies and Atlas moths.

But the wasp I faced today was no lazy ‘I buzz around a trash bin stealing sugar from soda cans’ wasp.

It was bigger, stronger, faster

and probably angrier.

An autumn wasp.

The fact he's even living at this time of the year is a testament to his (or her) awesome strength.

And since I had the guff to stroll around downtown with an ‘I'm allergic to wasps but what-fucking-ever’ kind of look written across my face, he (or she) decided to chase me.

So I walked faster.

Still being chased.

So I walked faster while casually swatting (flailing?) my arms all around me.

Still being chased, he’s/she’s going for the face.

I am running down the sidewalk like an idiot.

Flapping my ‘wings’.

Saying, "Fuck off!" and "Shit!" and "Hey, cool belt. Le Chateau?"

When I thought I had enough of a lead on him I ducked into an alley and waited, pretending to tie my shoe so as not to look like I was kind of lurking in an alley/hiding from a tiny insect.

When I felt safe enough I continued on my way.

If anyone happened to see this go down... I was practising some new dance moves... I'll show you on the weekend.

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