Gay Rights and John Roberts By The Political Heretic

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"In the gay-rights case, Roberts was advising on strategy and reportedly spent only a few hours on the case. Thus, there's probably not enough from which to draw conclusions about how Roberts personally views gay rights or how he might rule on gay issues.

Likewise, there's no predicting how he'd vote on abortion or affirmative action. What we do know is that he respects precedent, because he has said so. And we now also know that he's nimble enough to consider without bias issues he might find personally objectionable.

But that's not good enough in Looking Glass America, where right is seen as wrong, and good is viewed as bad. Some on the right apparently can't absorb the thought that their chosen one would entertain legal options that benefit homosexuals, as Rush Limbaugh asserted on his radio show.
"There's no question this is going to upset people on the right," he said. "There's no question the people on the right are going to say: 'Wait a minute . . . the guy is doing pro bono work and helping gay activists?'

"The fact that Roberts worked with gay activists seems perfectly cheery news that argues in favor of his confirmation, not because it endears him to gays and liberals, but because it demonstrates that Roberts is exactly what both conservatives and liberals say they want. Even if they don't really mean it." - conservative opinion columnist Kathleen Parker column defending Bush Supreme Court nominee John Roberts from the left and the right.

By the way, several liberal gay rights groups have issued a press statement opposing Mr. Roberts' nomination (no surprise there).

And here is gay Chris Crain's response:

"But by pre-judging his nomination before Roberts can even answer basic questions about his judicial philosophy, these four groups have shown themselves to be every bit as ideologically-driven as the nominee they oppose. And by focusing so much on "how Roberts would vote," rather than examining his character and judicial philosophy, they demean the confirmation process by transforming it into a results-oriented guessing game."

Katrina By The Political Heretic

Image by the BBC



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I really can't say much about Hurricane Katrina. I don't live there and never had the unfortunate experience of having my livelihood claimed by a natural disaster nor can I say there are people I know to have experienced that problem. Some stories are best left for others to cover. The ones who really deserve a voice are the ones who are there - the ones trapped on their rooftops, the ones immersed in contaminated water, and the ones being moved from one shelter to the next. I nevertheless do wish to share these few words that I received in an e-mail at work.

Imagine you woke up this morning and realized that just like yesterday ... everything you owned was gone.

Imagine you had to go to the bathroom but couldn't because 15,000 people had already used the toilet without being able to flush it.

Imagine you haven't bathed in three days.

Imagine you want to brush your teeth or wash your face but you can't because the water is contaminated.
Imagine you have no idea when you'll be able to take a shower.

Imagine no television.

Imagine no cell phones.

Imagine. No. Electricity.

Imagine the sun as your only source of light and when it retires for the day ... total and complete darkness for the next ten hours.

Imagine intense daytime heat and no method of cooling off.

Imagine losing your job because your workplace is gone.

Imagine watching those around you turn into savages, unable to cope with the anxiety and fear that everyone around you is struggling to deal with, and they begin taking out their frustrations in violence and breaking the law.

Imagine you haven't had a decent meal to eat in days. And the food that you are eating ... well ... it's starting to become scarce.

Imagine your health and your energy level quickly deteriorating.

Imagine not really knowing what's going on around you as people scream and babies cry constantly.

Imagine sitting on the roof of your home, trapped by toxic waters filled with alligators, venomous snakes and rats. You're sunburned and conserving all your energy to flag down helicopters to rescue you and when a helicopter does fly by it takes one look at you, decides you're healthy enough to wait longer for rescue and bypasses you.

Imagine being stripped of your home, your job, your possessions, your rights, your health, your dignity, your hope, your confidence, your faith, your sanity, your money, your friends and your family.

Imagine dealing with all of this and still trying to map out a plan for your future. Your new home. Your new job. And yet ... no money to attain either.

But know that it is much worse living it and hope that for most there is someone they love to help share in it.

Supergrass - Road to Rouen - Review by Kirk Bage

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Supergrass are a band that have always interested me. In Gaz Coombes they have a lead man who always seems to be on the edge of greatness, but never quite reaches the consistency to get there.

First and foremost, the Oxford trio are great musicians and can play around with styles and tone effortlessly - there is always a sense of dirty funk in there somewhere, mixed with a set of seriously good pop songs, as 1993's Supergrass are 10 showcases brilliantly. For me they are the band that The Stereophonics never were - and that is down to their secret weapon: a wicked sense of humour! Just skip to track 5 here if you need convincing - Coffee in the Pot epitomizes the daft, yet ever intelligent feel that almost won them a Monkees-style TV show a few years back, until the execs decided the world needed S-Club 7 more!

There is a lot on this latest album to like, admire and, in a while perhaps, even love - 1st single and stand-out track St. Petersberg is as good as anything on their last two albums, falling only slightly short of the best tracks on their most accomplished (in my opinion) album, In It For The Money, from 1997.

Labeled 70s Rock Revivalists by many, Supergrass are so much more than that, and I look forward to letting the less immediate tracks wash over me, and hopefully to seeing them gain new fans on the back of this sophisticated new release. I used to think of them as a very ‘studenty’ band - now they seem like a band for students who have grown up a little, and, although quite a few will, I don't see anything wrong with that. 8.5/10

Ray - Kirk Bage’s Movie Review

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As I've said before, it is much easier to win an Oscar than it used to be, and so when this high profile biopic started to get average reviews outside of the lead performance, I let it go at the cinema and consigned it to the DVD list. I think I was right to do so as, at its worst, this is little better in style and originality than a TV movie, and only the recreations of the insatiable music stand out.

Interpreting a person's life in an interesting way has caused better directors than Taylor Hackford to fail before now; it is just a difficult genre. The most annoying thing in this example is how we spend two hours and twenty minutes following the man's amazing life from infancy to his early forties, and then we are given a two minute montage to sum up the remaining forty years! What is all that about?

A lot of the structural problems come down to editing, and you can't help wonder if the director's cut solves this issue - but at this point I can't be bothered to find out.

That aside, the central performance from Jamie Foxx is exceptional and worthy of high praise - superficially he could be accused of doing little more than a good impression of Ray Charles Robinson, but that would be unfair. At no point does he descend into characature, and although there are not too many actual dramatic scenes, when they do come he is more than up to the task, allowing you to sympathize with the character whilst being painfully aware of his faults.

Once again (as with The Machinist) here is an actor and a performance worthy of a better film that doesn't materialize. But I sense this is just the beginning for the outrageously talented Mr Foxx. 6/10

Mike's Musings - Winged Forelimbs

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"Look! A beautiful white dove."
"That's not a dove. It's a poisonous snow-bat."
"Oh... (long pause).. Do you love me?"
(yawn and a stretch) "Nope."

Reader Appreciation Giveaways!

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Swanktrendz will be celebrating its first anniversary on September 28th. We have come a long way from its first inception (whilst driving home from a concert with Lezah). We’ve watched our site go from a rather simplistic Claris Pagemill attempt to a highly efficient software program developed by Terry Lowe (which is for sale if you contact the editors).

To say ‘thank you’ to our readers, we have decided to give away some decidedly British Columbian gifts, as well as a $100.00 gift certificate for Amazon.com. The gifts are as follows:

4 - Sue Coleman signed prints to be awarded as individual gifts (see an article on Sue Colemen using our search feature)



3 - Vancouver/Canada cloth ball caps - very sturdy, velcro fastened



2 - boxes of Robert Davidson designed ‘art’ chocolates (from our own 4th Avenue Fine Art Chocolate shop)



1 - $100.00 (US funds) Amazon.com gift certificate

To enter, send an email via the ‘contact’ on our index page and
give us your name and answer a simple equation (2 x3) - 6 =?

Only enter once per email address.

The winners will be posted on September 28th/05 and we will email you for your mailing address. All emails and contact information will be deleted from our database on September 29th.

Thank you for participating in a terrific first year. Please be aware that we welcome all letters, accolades, corrections and criticisms as we are hoping to add a ‘Letters to the Editor’ feature. Feel free to submit an article from your ‘neck in the woods’, for publication as well.

Kirk’s Movie Review - The Machinist By: Kirk bage

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In his most high-profile feature to date, founder of Nomad films and relatively inexperienced helmsman, Brad Anderson, tries to deliver something with the spine-tingle of a Hitchcock and the savvy of a Fight Club or a Memento - and fails admirably on both counts. The problem is that he underestimates his audience, signposting plot devices too blatantly and embellishing scenes that would have been better served with stillness and eerie silence with melodramatic music and flashback imagery. You can see what he aspires to, and there are promising moments in the washed out cinematography and use of character, but ultimately you are left feeling (and it's a familiar feeling) that this could have been so much better in the right hands. What is notable, of course, is Christian Bale, and the fact that he lost X amount of weight to do the role. Man, he wasn't messing around! More bone than flesh, and reminiscent of a prisoner of war, he creates a striking, haunting, disturbing image that stays with you long after the DVD has been returned. And it's not just his physical aspect that is startling - it's a terrific performance of a man lost in paranoia, guilt and sleeplessness: every time his eyelids droop, we find ourselves begging the Gods of cinema to let the poor fucker nod off for a bit. But no. Just a shame then that with this much (some would say psychotic) commitment he didn't get a better film to surround him. It was nice to see Jennifer Jason Leigh again (she doesn't make enough films), and she was fine, but the supporting cast never seemed more than extras in a horror film (the appearance of Michael Ironside, for one, is never a good sign). I just felt that every time it got interesting and approached new territory it shied away just as quickly and subsided into the mediocre, badly scripted, or just plain daft. Worthy of a remake, but God, please don't make Batman go on that diet again!!! 6/10

A Global Bunch of Rachael Rays By: Becks & Posh

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Around the World in $40 Days

Recently I asked people if they would like to come up with their own versions of Rachael Ray's $40 A Day for the latest edition of Dine & Dish. There was fantastic response with 33 entries from all over the world. Each one of these entries is absolutely amazing. I hope you manage to read through them all. Take your time, you'll need it...

Rachael starts her worldwide journey in Knoxville Tennessee where she manages to spend $37.64 on some delicious sounding food: She starts at the Waffle House for breakfast before heading out for lunch and an unusual, but certainly interesting sounding, walnut gorgonzola pizza as well as blue chip nachos from the quirkily named Tomato Head. In the evening Rachael heads off for a mildly spicy night out and a tempting thai feast from Kashmir Indian Restaurant.

When Rachael is in LA, California, it's all about what she doesn't eat, rather than what she does eat. It's all about her figure. Less is more. She starts with a simple coffee at Urth Caffé, heads to Porta Via for a half panini and a half salad at lunch time. She saves the evening for rock'n'roll, star spotting, pizzas and martini at Jones Hollywood.

Is it always snowy in Cambridge, MA? Someone living in that neck of the woods probably wouldn't be too sorry if Rachael froze over so she could never open her mouth again. Until that happens, Rachael will be eating very well in Massachusetts: She starts with a slice of Upper Crust Pizza, and follows that with a coffee from Darwins where the hazelnut and other flavoured syrups are gratis. After a lot of walking around and a nap, Rachael pigs out on a decadent sounding lobster sandwich from Alive and Kicking and fried chicken from the Coast Cafe. What a pig our Rachael is. The only space left, after that mountain of filling food, is for a couple of cocktails at Middlesex. Rachael ends her busy day 35 cents under budget.

Next up Rachael is in the Cleveland area where she starts her day by eating jerk chicken at a Caribbean Hungarian restaurant called Monica's. From there, Rachael's off to have fun , popcorn and frozen custard at the Euclid Beach Park where the Beach Boys played in 1964, long before Rachael was born. From frozen custard to Hot Sauce Williams, next stop is for ribs and chicken wings. Rachael has a couple of dollars left in the budget so she heads off to the North Union Farmers Market for strawberry filled Amish fry pie. Now that sounds like a sweet ending.

When Rachael visited Oakland, CA, she was pretty cheap. In fact she could have included a 20% tip and remained in budget. She started her day with a chocolatine from La Farine. For lunch Rachael opted for a Bahn Mi from Cam Huong which she washed down with a drink and dessert in one - Vietnamese Iced Coffee with Pearls from the cutely named Sweet Booth. With her budget almost intact Rachael headed off to Luka's Tap Room for a feast of burger, beer and chocolate cake. By the end of the night, Rachael is still in the money, having only spent $33 total.

Rachael is jumping all over the place these days. West Coast, East Coast, this girl is flying! Next stop is Syracuse, NY where our Rachael starts the day at Lucky Moon Cafe with a delicious sounding breakfast of omelette, tuscan toast and jasmine tea, cooked for her personally by one of the owners no less. I hope Rachael isn't using her position to get preferential treatment! Rachael is a girl after my own heart - she chooses to take lunch at the organic Elderberry Pond Farm where the burgers look amazing. And as if that wasn't enough, she pigs out on a raspberry and almond tart too. You'd think she would have run out of space in her belly and change in her purse, but no! Rachael still room for a catfish burrito, cornbread and salad from Alto Cinco. Wow! All for $39!

Next stop London, England. Rachael is going all international on us and making me home sick at the same time. But, phew, the price of things in England! It's daylight robbery. Rachael reminds us that to eat well in England, as Somerset Maugham said, eat breakfast three times a day and so she starts with a classic English Breakfast at Café Olympic, E15. As if I wasn't salivating enough already, she then heads to S and M Café in Spitalfields and has Bangers & Mash with gravy. Oh my. And to torture me enough even more, Rachael then heads to Brick Lane, and New Tayyab, for a spicy feast. Oh, how I wish I could be there too, preferably on a different day to Ms Ray and definitely with sterling, rather than dollars, in in my bank account. Rachael spent just five pence under £22.00, the equivalent to $40.

Staying away from the USA a little while longer, Rachael's next stop is Singapore where she can get S$66 for her forty US. Ya Kun is her breakfast stop for a traditional morning meal of soft boiled egg, toast and coffee. At lunchtime she settles for a variety of Japanese food from Ichiban Boshi, including sake head miso soup. (Sake meaning salmon in this instance). Dinner includes no less than four desserts. After both savoury and sweet crepes at Le P'tit Breton, Rachael heads to Bakerzin for raspberry panna cotta, lychee espuma, and hot chocolate shooter with housemade chocolate ice cream. She comes in way under budget, but after all that sugar, do you think Rachael will be able to describe herself as a Skinny Chef and keep a straight face?

Rachael is getting homesick, so she nips back to her homeland and a visit to Portsmouth, VA and Waffle World for a cheap filling breakfast. Lunch is a sandwich, and coffee, at Rachael's friends' place, The Daily Grind. For dinner we have a choice of two. Because I work in the movie business, I'll opt for the Commodore Theater, where I can eat Fish'n'Chips and watch films at the same time!

Rachael is a little bit fond of San Francisco it would seem. She just keeps coming back because she can't quite make up her mind about the Bay Area's best eats. Pastores is a place I hadn't heard of, but will be trying soon. The Huevos Rancheros look so good. There isn't a San Franciscan who hasn't heard about the Bahn Mi from Saigon Sandwich. The only person who hasn't actually tried them, however, is probably me. I am determined to change that as soon as my job moves to the city next week. I tried to go to Isa recently, but they had closed for a vacation. Rachael had better luck when she was in town and she positively raves about the $22.25 Prix fixe. Lots of beau-ti-ful food options, coming in under budget with tips and tax included.

Spokane, Washington. Have you heard of it? The more I read about it, the more I want to visit. I am kind of bummed that Rachael got there before me to sample the delights of the 'Tasty Triangle', an area around St John's Cathedral. Photographic evidence of a dark chocolate and orange scone from BitterSweet Bakery will make you drool. After that, pay your penance with a healthy bright and vibrant mix of salads for lunch at Lindaman's. The indulgent streak is revisited again for dinner, at Paprika, where Rachael manages to squeeze a grilled steak fillet with port wine reduction into her belly and her budget.

For her next call, Rachael decides to try LA, CA again, this time from a wildly different standpoint. She starts at Millie's for an obscenely decadent stack of six pancakes layered with cream cheese and strawberries. Does she really need to eat for the rest of the day? Apparently yes, so she stops off at Label's Table Deli for the best smoked turkey sandwich on rye in the City. Even before dinner it seems Rachael is famished to she stops off at Wholefoods for a little snack of a Spicy tuna bowl. At least it sounds healthy! Finally, before the day is over, Rachael finds room for dinner. Off to Mulholland Grill she goes, to graze on Caesar salad and gnocchi. Oh no! But she's gone over the budge by a few dollars. Naughty Rachael. What punishment shall we deliver her? I'll take votes. Wink, wink.

Next Rachael nips over to Hartford, CT, for some delicious sounding whole wheat flour and wheat germ pancakes. She recommends the chocolate chip pancake with side of home fries and orange juice from Mo's Midtown. As a visiting celebrity, Rachael can't resist taking lunch with former Hartford Mayor, at Mayor Mike's. An ooey-gooey and oh-so-good pesto grilled cheese with lots of trimmings is the thing that attracts her attention. Come the evening, Rachael heads off to Agave Grill for Guacamole, cheese enchiladas and a half-price house margarita on the rocks. A day's worth of fine dining comes to an end exactly on budget.

Back in San Francisco again, just to double-check whether or not she made the best choices on her previous visit, Rachael starts her day at the fabulous Tartine for the best damn frangipane croissant outside of Paris and a coffee. For lunch she tries Yank Sing, for the famous but pricey Dim Sum which is so delicious, its worth the spend. A Frog Hollow peach tides her over until dinner when she heads to the Mission and La Taqueria for pork carnitas taco with avocado, a vegetarian bean and cheese taco with avocado and a small sweet-sour tamarindo drink. All of the day's goodies total $38.70 which seems like a bargain for so much tasty sounding food.

A quick flight back down to Los Angeles, this time Rachael has her beau in tow. She wants to see if she can feed two people in the City of Angels without blowing more than 40 bucks. She ends up doing her mom and dad proud, budget wise. They start at Gilbert's for a hangover breakfast of huevos con chorizo and menudo. Not for the faint of heart - Menudo consists of tripe and other cow parts bathed in a spicy red broth with hominy, onions, peppers and other condiments. Lee's Sandwiches serve Bahn Mi, which are proving to be popular wherever Rachael goes. They also have Western-style sandwiches available so everyone is happy. When it's time for dinner, Rachael and her man head for Sam Woo BBQ, for noodles, rock cod, rice and free tea. At the end of the day they still have $3.60 left between them. What excellent house-keeping skills!

Next stop is Berkeley, CA, where two different days of dining options are tested out. Day one starts with a pastry and latte from Caffe Trieste and continues with a Turkish buffet lunch from Bosphorus. For dinner, new kid on the block, Sea Salt, is the destination where Rachael dines on oysters, clam chowder and a pint of Anchor Steam. At the end of the day she is well under budget with 5 bucks to spare.

On day two in the San Pablo Avenue area, Rachael begins with a Cafe Fanny latte, granola, fresh fruit and yoghurt before heading to Everett and Jones for a lunch of sliced beef and soda. Next Rachael has a Mexican snack at Casa Latina. For her final Berkeley meal she heads back to Caffe Trieste for salad, pizza and a nice glass of red wine. Who would have known there is so much good food to be had in such a small area of town.

After zipping all over the States, Rachael fancies a trip down under, to Sydney, Australia. Because the exchange rate is on her side, she decides to try and eat on AUS$40 which is only about thirty bucks whilst sticking in the downtown area of Sydney. A Big Breakfast starts the day at Una's: Bacon, sausages, eggs, rosti, toast and tomato, oh yes, it sounds totally scrumptious. So Rachael's lunch is a little lighter - Grilled dory fillets with salad and chips plus firm, tasty and achingly fresh sashimi from Peter's. Phew, that sounds sublime. You know me, I love Indian food. Seems Rachael does too. So for dinner she heads off to Maya Masala for pani puri chaat, onion rawa paneer dosa and a sweet and syrupy Indian dessert. Oh wow, out of my way, Rachael, I'm heading to Oz right this very second.

It looks like Rachael will make room in Sydney for me, by jetting off across the Australian countryside to Adelaide. Phat Coffee is the first stop, for a coffee and a magnificent Ham Cheese and Tomato Croissant. Oh! Sushi is a brief lunch stop and the final meal of the day is The ‘Steed where Rachael indulges in an interesting sounding Pork Puff Pastry Parcel and a jug of Cooper's Ale, all comfortably under the $40 mark.

Rachael just can't keep away from San Francisco for more than about 5 minutes. Yes, she's back again, because she just can't get enough of Tartine. This time round it's a chocolate croissant and a cappuccino that gets her all excited. It's not her first trip to Saigon Sandwich either. I am beginning to think Rachael is a Bahn Mi addict. Rachael's visit coincides with a rare San Francisco sighting. A Ray of sunshine peeps out from behind the fog and so she finds an excuse to go and eat ice cream, from Mitchell's, of course. Where else? But the real reason Ms Ray had to return to my fair city, is to check out Delfina's new Pizzeria. Does she like it? Salsiccia pizza and Montepulciano says she does. She still has enough change to stop at Tartine on the way home and pick up a croissant for tomorrows breakfast. What a gutsy lady.

Rachael still wonders if she has done San Francisco enough justice. She'd like to see it from a Frenchman's perspective. What would he eat? He'd get to Delanghe Bakery at 7 am for warm croissants, that's what he'd do. Rachael can't decide between a plain one or a hazelnut raspberry, they both sound sooo good. Next on the menu is a whole black pepper sauce crab from Batavia Garden, yes, a whole one just for Rachael. To end her French-style day in San Francisco Rachael would venture to Chapeau! for the $25 prix fixe. The whole day sounds like one long good idea.

Rachael's plane gets delayed so she has to stay in San Francisco for one more day. What's it to be this time she wonders? Are there still enough options for her to dine well in SF? Instead of pastries, Rachael starts her day with a steaming bowl of clam chowder from Swan's Oyster Depot . It might sound strange, but just remember how foggy and cold it can be here in the Summer. For lunch she heads to one of my favourites, The Helmand, for an all-you-can-eat Afghan buffet. You might think Rachael would be full by now, but Hawthorne Lane is calling where, between 4 and 6 pm Happy Hour Bar Bites are all $3.50. Bargain munching options washed down with a G & T. Because dinner was so early, Rachael needs a late night dessert snack which she finds in the form of Black Glutinous Rice in Mango & Coconut Juice with Extra Mango at Creations Dessert House and she still has 75 cents in her pocket at the end of the night.

Rachael finally escapes California for Northern Virginia where she confirms her reputation as Queen of cheap eats by starting her $40 day with a Royal Restaurant breakfast. Determined not to let her regal status get the better of her, Rachael's next stop is The Italian Store where she'll get a good sub but no niceties whatsoever from the staff. She doesn't really mind, though, because she has an extra special treat in store for the evening. Rachael heads off to what is widely considered one of the best restaurants in NV, 2941, where eating from the Tapas on the Terrace menu means she finishes the day exactly on budget. Bravo!

The sparkling seas and waving palm trees are calling Rachael from Santa Barbara. The D'Angelo Pastry ham and cheese croissants are practically screaming Rachael's name. (She missed out on them last time she was in SB). Rachael already knows about the Santa Barbara Shellfish Company and so she heads there again, for lunch. To tide herself over, until dinner she stops at Anna's Bakery for a chocolate cookie snack. It's been too long since she had any raw fish so Rachael heads off the main drag to dine at Ichiban Sushi finishing her day 15 cents under budget.

It's time for another trip abroad with Rachael jetting off, this time, to Pune, Maharshtra, India! $40 would feed a family for a month in this part of the world so, instead, Rachael decides to meet the challenge on about $4 instead. So much food for so little money: Tasty sounding Coconut Uttapam from Madhuban, Chelo Kabab with rice and tomatoes from King's Restaurant, and Chicken and naan from the Sardar Tandoori stall. I wish I could go to India and learn about real Indian food.

Back in the US, Rachael heads up to Seattle . First stop of course, is the wonderful Pike Place Market and breakfast just opposite at Le Panier. Staying in the market area, lunch is a shrimp cocktail and water from Jack's Fish Spot. Next up on the itinerary is happy hour. For this Rachael heads off to Elliott's Oyster House for the cheapest ever oysters and a martini. I am just amazed she still has over $20 left for dinner. For that meal Rachael heads to Brasa for a lamb burger and a glass of wine. A perfect end to a a thrifty day of eating.

I reckon that the day Rachael heads to San Juan Island, Washington, will be the day she loses her job. There are some entertaining people in these parts and our Ms Ray is going to have a hard time competing. She could always drown any sorrows in food. For breakfast, lavender lemonade and cake from the local farmer's market is a good suggestion. Lunch could be spring rolls, pad thai and and beer at the Golden Triangle. The day should end at Madrona Bar & Grill for something thick and meaty. I'll say no more...

Rachael suddenly realizes she left something personal in her Seattle hotel room so she heads back to try and pick it up. Whilst there she decides to record another $40 A Day show. This time she gets her breakfast of a roly-poly bun and some coffee from the Macrina Bakery. Bruschettina at Ballard Farmers Market sounds like the perfect lunch stop where they have some interesting sounding toppings, like chickpeas and octopus, for their bruschetta. After an afternoon pick-me-up at El Diablo Coffee Company, Rachael is ready for dinner. For this she heads to Chinook’s for a very fancy-sounding alder planked Alaskan silver salmon. Yum.

Columbus, Ohio is the next destination, starting with breakfast from Jack & Benny's. Rachael hasn't had a Bento Box in a while and she is asking herself why not? They are so great, especially the ones from Tyfoon. There is enough money and space left for a slap up dinner at The Burgundy Room. What is there not to like about beef carpaccio and rich cheese tortellini with pulled duck leg confit and a small glass Haven's Bourriquot? Shouldn't that be Heaven?!

After all this hard work, Rachael jets off to Honolulu, Hawaii, for hard-earned vacation. Chocolate cream stuffed Malasadas from Leonard's Bakery are sugary dough balls which are a sweet, cheap deal. A healthier lunch is in order so Rachael heads off to the noisy, local bowling alley where they serve steaming bowls of Oxtail soup spiced with cilantro at the Kapiolani Coffee Shop. For an afternoon treat, Rachael fancies custard with green tea ice and lots of syrup. She finds it at Waiola. The best find of her trip is Sunrise, a Japanese restaurant that serves the freshest fish at rock bottom prices. Rachael could get quite used to this way of life.

It's time to go home, back to New York. After spending so much on her holiday, Rachael decides to find a day of eats under $25. Everything she munches on throughout the day sounds irresistible. The simplicity of a $1 slice pizza bianca at Sullivan Street Bakery, the great value of a vietnamese sandwich from Bahn Mi So 1, the indulgence of piggy pudding from Sugar Sweet Sunshine, it all sounds marvelous. But that's not the end of it, Rachael is really showing her sweet tooth. What next? A chocolate mudslide cookie from Jacques Torres and then a mexican style bun from the Golden Dragon Boat Cafe and Bakery. Something to drink next - how about a bubble tea from Green Tea Cafe? Dumpling might be a word that could be used to describe Rachael after eating all that, but what? She still has room for more? More dumplings that is - so she heads off to Shanghai Cafe for exactly that. Phew, Rachael is so now full she can hardly speak.

She doesn't utter another word until she arrives in Novato, Marin, CA. She's not really in a breakfast mood but she stops of at Skully's for a plain croissant and a coffee, finding it to be surprisingly good. Lunch is just as cheap - at Quezada Market - where she fills up on Tamales and coconut juice. Novato. So far, so good. Kitchen does a Prix-Fixe menu for just $15, so that is where Rachael decides to eat her evening meal. Three courses and a glass of wine, Rachael has discovered how to do Novato quite well, and way under budget to boot.

San Francisco is only a 30 minute drive down the 101, so Rachael figures she can head back in that direction one more time. She stops off at Larkspur on the way and Tabla on the way for soup and corn fritters. Next destination is Liberty Cafe to the South of the city for some of the best Eggs Florentine in town. She ends her day at Ti Couz slurping on a blackberry cocktail and indulging in her favourite cheese mushroom and almond crepe. She's full, but oh so satisfied, if only you could see the smile on her face.

I think Rachael deserves a little time off. It's time to sneak off to LA for some serious partying to celebrate the end of this $40 a series. The next day, even with a hangover, Rachael shows her dedication to food by dragging herself out of bed to get to the farmers market where she starts the rehydration process on free samples of pomegranate juice. Now she's not actually working, Rachael shows where her real priorities lie. She heads over to Casa del Mar for the hair of the dog - a $12 bloody Mary. In need of more liquid refreshment, Rachael hurries to Lula, for their 7 day a week happy hour, and a couple of margaritas at $3 a pop. Yes. I did say two. Finally Rachael visits Blowfish for an animal-style roll which she washes down with an Absolut Citron lemon and soda and the $40 is spent. Lucky Rachael, she certainly does lead a most Delicious Life.

Iraqi Breakup Inevitable? Bt: The Political Heretic

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I've been saying it for a while now (or at least the last three weeks) but two news analysis articles, one in today's Washington Post and the other in today's New York Times , acknowledges our president's declining influence in Iraq. The Sunnis rejected the latest compromises as expected because they believe Kurd and Shi'ite negotiators are carving Iraq and its oil resources up while leaving the Sunnis with an economically deprived, land-locked weak autonomous state in central Iraq. Neoconservative New York Times' columnist David Brooks signs on to the view of those who say Iraq was always a fiction that was only held together by colonial powers and ruthless tyrants. This constitution, they say, reflects the reality we should be embracing.

I don't know if Iraq's eventual split-up was inevitable. Iraq was a fiction but so was the United States. The thirteen original states no doubt united to overthrow our British sovereigns but their differences and suspicions kept them from binding themselves together in anything more than a loose confederation for several years. The Iraqis are no doubt divided by religion, ethnicity and language and we weren't but that is largely irrelevant. The differences and between Quaker and Anglican, large and small state, or between rural and trade state may seem petty now but they were extremely important to the residents who guarded their cherished freedoms then.

Enlightened self-interest eventually brought them to unite behind one banner. Their more powerful neighbors, the British, French, and Spanish empires, still threatened their freedoms and any hope of one day becoming a viable state required difficult negotiations.

Whether the Iraqis will unite behind one banner I do not know but the president's inability and increasing unwillingness to persuade the Kurds and Shi'ites to unite behind a stronger federal system not unlike ours or the Swiss Confederation will lead to their country's undoing and we will pay the price.

Fantasy Football : By Kirk Bage

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Another great way to to keep yourself busy with something relatively meaningless is to play in a fantasy sports league. This year has been more organized than others and we managed to put together a small "friends and enemies" league on the original Fantasy Football site - Fantasy League Classic.

The idea is to spend an imaginary budget on a squad of 16 players you believe will out-score, out-defend and basically outclass all opposition in the premiership. With weekly, monthly and season long prizes at stake it is worth paying attention and doing your homework on who is and who isn't in form. For the long run I've taken a few chances on some unproven players: Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas is my big tip to come of age in the midfield area, while £7.5m signing for Boro, Aiyegbeni Yakuba (pictured) carries the responsibility of lead striker. It has always been my philosophy (as you can only have a maximum of 2 players from each team) to use your choices from the top teams in defense, as they are likely to concede less goals - i.e. Chelsea, Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool all figure in a formation that has done OK at this early stage.

It seems that there are about 35000 paid up players this year so it will be tough to compete - but there is nothing a football fan likes more than being right, and this is the perfect chance to prove it. Another reason that Saturday is the most fun day of the week... Come on lads...

I saw Richard Stallman, and all I got was a keyring and a sticker : By Sashi

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RMS in his infamous St iGNUtious costume

I first heard about the Seminar on Software Freedom and Danger of Software Patents from Screenshots. I registered at the link provided and managed to rope my colleagues in as well (which wasn’t difficult, considering they were all GNU/Linux enthusiasts as well).

We got to UM’s Computer Science and IT Faculty around 1.30 pm (the seminar was to kick off at 2) and after being directed to the Lecture Hall, we parked our rear ends at a spot towards the back of the hall.

I was hoping to see some familiar faces in the small crowd - and I did. There was local hacker legend - and one of the co-founders of Project Petaling Street - Dinesh Nair, who was accompanied by Prema, and there was also the unmistakable (tall) figure of the /ShaolinTiger himself.

I did introduce myself to ShaolinTiger - just to see if I could take him on - but I don’t think I made any impression. In any case, I’m pretty sure I can defeat him in a fight.*

Anyway, before the much-awaited talk by RMS, we were subjected to a brief presentation on the local MyOSS open-source community, followed by an unfortunately boring presentation by MAMPU. (The reason I found it boring was because I’d been to another free and open-source software (FOSS) seminar a few months back, and was subjected to the exact same presentation - complete with near-identical slides too.)

Finally, RMS took the stage and began talking about the dangers of software patents. Before he started, he pointed out that he would divide his talk into two parts: the first part would be non-controversial, while the second would be quite the opposite. Software patents fell under the first part.

I don’t want to rehash everything he said - primarily because I don’t think I can do his thoughts justice. I do heartily recommend that you check out the Wikipedia page on him - a comprehensive list of almost everything you want to know about him and his principles and beliefs.

Mainly though, he spoke on how software patents can cripple and kill software innovation, the problems faced by many software developers in the US in developing new algorithms and programs, the challenges faced by the GNU developers and how big corporations push for software patenting in order to enrich themselves.

The second part of his talk definitely generated more heat, though. He started by explaining his four levels of freedom in relation to software:

the freedom to run the program for any purpose (called “freedom 0)
the freedom to study and modify the program (”freedom 1)
the freedom to copy the program so you can help your neighbor (”freedom 2)
the freedom to improve the program, and release your improvements to the public, so that the whole community benefits (”freedom 3)

from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_software

And then he goes on to call on people to stop using non-free software, because it’s not just about saving money etc, but it’s about the fundamental aspects of freedom that’s at stake here. As he says, when people stop caring about freedom, they lose it.

There was also this moment when he discussed his reasons for beginning the GNU project, and he calls it a moral compulsion: It’s like seeing someone drowning, and if you know how to swim, and if the guy drowning is not Bush, then he must jump in to rescue the victim. It’s just the right thing to do.

Oh, and at the end, Stallman sold some keyrings for RM 50 and gave away a lot of “GNU & Linux” stickers. He even gave autographs - some got charged for it too, if they didn’t buy anything - but since I’ve never been keen on autographs of any kind, I didn’t get one.

And that’s a wrap.

OK, I’m hungry now, so off to lunch….

* No, I can’t.**
** Yes, I can. Don’t be defeatist.***
*** Defeatist?? The guy’s a freakin’ giant!! The best I can do is kick his balls and run like hell!****
**** So who says you gotta fight fair?

Pindeldyboz: By Rob Williams

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Rob’s Home




What better way to leave NYC than with another publication?!

Yes, I have gotten a story accepted for publication by the literary magazine "Pindeldyboz"!!

Issue #6, which should be out in the fall (October? Nov?).

Hurray! It took me about 4 or 5 years to get anything published here so now that iIm leaving it's such a sweet goodbye present.

Pindeldyboz is excellent--I loved issue 4 with the mouse (hamster?) looking like it's poking its head out of the issue.

Pindeldyboz (or Pboz for short) editors have included Entertainment Weekly and Village Voice writer Whitney Pastorek, and currently New School MFA-er Alison Weaver (the lovely person who accepted my story!), and Kristin McGonigle.

Some of Pboz's past contributors include one of my faves, Dan Kennedy ("Loser Goes First")--I blogged about his book a few months back, Maud Newton, Tara Wray, Amanda Eyre Ward,Thisbe Nissen, Jessica Anthony among many others.

My fellow Columbian bud and amazing writer Felicia Sullivan is also appearing in the magazine with me! It was Felicia, in fact, who recommended I send something to Pboz. Thanks Felicia!

So there you go. Another publication (and in a straight mag no less! *not to lessen the importance of my other publications', but it is good to branch out once in a while, right?).

I’m going to try to blog again before we leave (on Aug. 31) for California!

It's been great these last few weeks, saying goodbye (sometimes 3 and 4 times...) to friends, fellow writers, mentors, beer buddies (like vestal mcintyre, manuel munoz).

Friday night was Aaron Hamburger's goodbye party and I got to re-connect with a friend, Marcela, from Columbia (she's an editor at Publishers Weekly) and her lovely fiancé John Beckman (author of "The Winter Zoo").

Wow. I've had a great time here in NYC. A tough time, but a great one. I wouldn't change a thing (well... maybe a couple of small things...). But most amazingly, I’ve surrounded myself with some of the greatest minds and hearts--and learned so much from my fellow writers.

This was an experience iIll never forget. I know I’ll be back.

Wish You Could Own a Runway Design? By Christine

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I enjoy viewing the designers’ lines on the catwalk every season, but I never considered owning a runway design due to price and accessibility. Fortunately, I’ve discovered a site that deals with both of these barriers.

As I was surfing the net for Chloé’s current handbag designs, I was redirected to a site called Net-a-Porter (nice spin on pret a porter). I was surprised to find scads of designer labels at half price. All my faves were represented - Narciso Rodriguez (for outfits), Jimmy Choo (shoes) and Chloé (bags).

Many of the designs listed have a ‘classic’ shape which means that they would be a wise investment - lasting for years to come. Many variations on the ‘little black dress’ are shown. Every woman should own a couple of good pieces, and Net-a-Porter offers this chance.

Normally, Narciso dresses will run in the range of $1200.00 - $2500.00 per dress, but one can get these same dresses, on sale, at Net-a-Porter for as low as $495.00! Jimmy Choo sandals with charms are on sale for $285 (from $575). Moschino knee high black leather boots are going for $493.00 (from $795.00) and one can pick up a Marc Jacobs leather bag for $924.00 (from $1320.00)

This site also makes suggestions as to what accessories would go well with the item one is interested in. I selected a Burberry Crinkle Chiffon dress from the menu and received this prompt, As seen on the runway. A beautiful style for evening which looks great worn under a little cardigan to create contrast between the knit and chiffon. Shown here with Pedro Garcia shoes and Erickson Beamon bracelet. 100% silk, lining: 65% acetate, 35% polyamide. Dry clean only. Sizing is Italian. (Both the Garcia shoes and the Beamon bracelet are live links that take one to the item.)

The only downside to this site is that it is a first come, first serve situation. One has to monitor the site weekly to see what items are being made available. As well, the sizes are for those on the ‘light’ side. An XXL on the catwalk equates to a size 12 in ‘real life’.

Overall, this site is definitely worth a look!

http://www.net-a-porter.com/cgi-bin/NETAPORTER.storefront

The New Way to Tote Books: Submitted by Christine

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I came across a great idea to replace those high school and university backbreaking book bags. Garnet Hill has introduced a collapsible, sturdy, well-designed canvas basket with a lightweight aluminum frame and rubber-padded handle. Not only does the tote collapse flat for easy storage, but it also holds up to 55 pounds of school supplies. The carryall can be purchased online (see link) for a reasonable price of $30. The tote was introduced by Garnet Hill this year in black and khaki and has been selling extremely well; so well that the company has expanded their line to include various colours such as Periwinkle, Kiwi, Orange and Red (shown).

Garnet Hill

Dry - A Memoir by Lezah

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Two of my favourite words in the English language are “free” and “book”, and when you put them together to make the phrase “free book” – they're even better! This year, I started the summer off with a huge pile of free books that I have been ploughing my way through. There’s one book, however, that I just kept shifting to the bottom of the pile each time it came up to the top, though. I looked at the title and picture on the front, and figured, “Huh, a book about a drunk.” Not really subject matter that interests me…

Anyway, last weekend I was reading a newspaper article about the author, Augusten X. Burroughs, who is being sued by his adoptive family. They claim he portrayed them unfairly and incorrectly in his book, ‘Running with Scissors’. A couple of days after reading this article, I happened to notice that the book I’d spent the summer shuffling to the bottom of the pile was actually Augusten Burrough’s other book, ‘Dry’. My bad! I started reading it immediately – and am sorry, so very sorry, that I hadn’t started it sooner.

In a word, it’s great. And, it’s also true. Burroughs wrote ‘Dry’ prior to ‘Running with Scissor’ but, for some reason, it was published after; it chronicles Burroughs’s life after he’d escaped the chaos of his adolescence – the experiences upon which he based ‘Running with Scissors’.

In ‘Dry’, Burroughs is in his mid-twenties and earning $200,000+ a year in advertising - despite being completely uneducated. He’s gay, his best friend is HIV positive and alcohol is interfering with his life; so much so that his employer stages an intervention and ships him off to rehab. In Minnesota. For a month.

The only way Burroughs can convince himself to go to rehab (because, of course, he’s NOT an alcoholic – oh no!), is to imagine what the hospital is like:

A discrete, Frank Lloyd Wright-ish compound surrounded mysteriously from public view by a tasteful wall of trimmed boxwood trees. Ian Schrager, of course, created the interior. Spare rooms, sun-drenched, with firm mattresses and white, 300-count Egyptian cotton sheets. … I imagine polished linoleum floors. (By allowing this one clinical detail into my fantasy, I believe I will be allowed all the other details I envision.) Nurses will be far too holistic and nurturing to wear white polyester; they will wear, perhaps, tailored hemp smocks and when they are backlit by one of the many floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the lily pond, I will see the outline of their lean, athletic legs.
There will be a large pool. I will forgive its heavy chlorination. I will understand. This is a hospital, after all.

The reality, of course, is nothing like his advertising agency-inspired fictions – too bad for Augusten.

The book takes us through Burroughs’s stint in rehab, where he meets his roommate and new best friend, Hayden, and back to the “real” world as he’s released from rehab and attempts to create a new, alcohol-free life for himself, which involves cleaning out his liquor-bottle-filled apartment, signing up for group therapy, and joining AA. We see his struggles as he returns to work and tries to maintain his sobriety in spite of the pressures he encounters (including sabotage and the latest advertising account, which, ironically, is for a beer company). Likewise, Burroughs works hard to cope with his relationships: we see Pighead, his HIV positive former boyfriend; Hayden, his new roommate and rehab buddy, who tries to act as his conscience; and Foster, the gorgeous crackhead he meets in group therapy.

Burrough’s writing is so insightful, so humorous, so cynical it made me wish I was him, in spite of his flawed life. One of my favourite exchanges is when Hayden learns that Burroughs is becoming involved with Foster (a big no-no in group therapy):

“You’re at the crack addict’s apartment? Having a little sandwich?” he says. From the tone of his voice, you’d think I’d just told him I was hanging out at a playground wearing a NAMBLA T-shirt.

Now, when I read that, it made me pause for a moment: NAMBLA, I thought? Hmmm, sounds … familiar. And then it came to me: North American Man-Boy Love Association. Ha! Now, that’s funny! Anyone who can make gay pedophilia funny, well – he’s my guy! And why in the hell did I know that tidbit of information, anyway? I’m not gay – I’m not a man – or a boy – or even a vice cop! But Burroughs has a curious way of making you introspective, of making you look at your own life, your own relationships, your own issues, and thinking to yourself, this is not what it should be. Things can be better – much better.

This is a fantastically written book – certainly one of the best I’ve read this year. It made me want to go out and join AA myself – and I don’t even drink!

Dave's Music Corner By David Dedrick

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Well, after a long lay off, I’m back. This is just Confessions of a Mad Record Collector with a pithier title - being a more honest reflection of my massive ego and the fact that I discuss both records and cds. There’s no theme to this week’s entries - just a lot of good stuff I’ve been listening to lately.

Various Artists - Goofy Greats (K-Tel, ?)

No, I didn’t just find this; I’ve owned it for quite awhile now. I just dug it out because I love it so much. I was first given this set in Grade Three or Four and I can’t imagine why. It’s possible I asked for it - it was “Advertised on TV” after all! As a collection of novelty songs, it actually holds up amazingly well and it never fails to amaze me how much this collection has informed my musical sensibilities. It has garage rock: the Standells’ “Dirty Water” and the Trashmen with “Surfin’ Bird”; bubblegum: the Ohio Express’s “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” and the 1910 Fruitgum Co.’s “1-2-3 Redlight”; early seventies Euro-pop with the George Baker Selection’s odd “Little Green Bag”; and just plain weirdness like the Fendermen’s absolutely insane “Mule Skinner Blues”. There’s not even a nostalgia factor to this music, as I was too young to have ever heard it on the radio - to me it stands as strong as the day it was recorded. I often wonder who programmed the K-Tel collections; they’re always well put together. I’m sure anyone reading this who loves music has, if not Goofy Greats, at least a couple of K-Tel records in their collection. Speaking of bubblegum...

1910 Fruitgum Co. - 1,2,3 Red Light (Buddah, 1968)

...and I was. In the late ‘60’s, possibly as a reaction to rock’s burgeoning heaviosity, a newer, simpler pop style became all the rage with everyone’s younger sisters. Bands like The Ohio Express, The Lemon Pipers and the 1910 Fruitgum Co. filled the airwaves with their insistent tunes and artless lyrics, often based in children’s games or evocations of candy - two things very much in the hearts of pre-teens. Of course, in most cases, there was no actual group - just a conglomeration of studio musicians and singers hired to knock out these songs, written like Brill Building songs in the early sixties. But to describe something as artless doesn’t mean it’s not art. I wonder if there will be listeners for today’s manufactured pop - those who didn’t grow up with it and have no nostalgic memories of it. To me, the new pop is too busy; with the layers and layers of beats and synths and everything else all polished to a glossy sheen - just like the singers - and the lyrics are far too cynical and over-sexed to have any sentimental appeal to the jaded music listener of the future. Besides containing the instant classic “1,2,3 Red Light”, the band does a hip cover of Dylan’s “The Mighty Quinn” as well as a great song called “The Song Song”, which succeeds in mentioning all the hit songs of 1968. Also worth a listen is “Shirley Applegate” - a love song from a ten-year old to an eight-year old.

Bob Dylan - Shot of Love (Columbia, 1981)

Well, I just can’t seem to not link these albums together. Speaking of “The Mighty Quinn”, here’s the Mighty Bob with the last album of his “high and mighty, yeah, I’m talking to you, you sinners” Christian trilogy, which comprises Slow Train Coming, Saved and this album. Despite the overt - or should I say, over the top - Christianity that informs these albums, I like them all just fine. It’s strange: you read all these negative things about Dylan’s later albums and then when you actually hear them, you enjoy them completely and wonder what the hell these carpers were listening to. Perhaps that’s the problem with being such a thoroughly bootlegged artist like Bob Dylan. No one is reviewing what is, only what could have been. Stand out tracks: “Shot of Love”, “Heart of Mine”, “Property of Jesus”, “Lenny Bruce”, “Dead Man, Dead Man” and the epically great “Every Grain of Sand”, which is as close as the hardline Dylan ever came to ecumenicism.

The Bells - Studio A (Polydor, 1972)

This is a Canadian group based in Toronto, I assume, like ninety-nine per cent of the groups that got recording contracts in Canada in the early seventies. They’re a country-folky-hokey act with most of the songs played somewhat dolorously until the final knees-up: “Whole Lotta Shakin Goin’ On”. All of the songs are covers, which probably explains why I’d never heard of the group before coming across this record. They do a cover of Harry Nilsson’s “Me and My Arrow” - that’s what caught my eye - but it’s played so langourously that its woozy charm is lost. There’s a nice medley of Gordon Lightfoot songs (“Did She Mention My Name”, If You Could Read My Mind” and “Cotton Jenny”) and Lennon’s “Oh,My Love. It’s not a terrible record, just not a terribly original record. What blows my mind is the cover. A picture of what looks like a church or a church hall stripped of its seating with the band’s footwear laying on a parquet floor. The cover elaborately opens like two little doors, revealing the band sitting on the same floor (and, yes, they have their shoes back on). Such excess for a bunch of nobodies!

Badfinger - Badfinger (Warner Bros., 1974)

Here’s a band whose story will make you weep: signed by the Beatles to Apple Records; renamed by Paul McCartney; first hit “Come And Get It” written for the band by Paul McCartney; a top ten hit on both sides of the Atlantic with “No Matter What” (Def Leppard have done an execrable cover of it recently), and all to no avail. They couldn’t seem to capitalise on their hits or the hits others had with their songs (Nilsson had a huge hit with “Without You”). They were badly mismanaged - a drunken stork could have done a better job, quite frankly, and there may have been some financial hanky-panky. Finally, after years of money trouble and rock’n’roll-related health problems, key songwriter Pete Ham hung himself, only to be followed a few years later by the other main songwriter Tom Evans (same problems; same method). Whoo! Rock and roll!

This album, their first for Warners after the halcyon Apple days, is better than snobby, big-assed music critics give it credit for. This is the band the word “beatlesque” was invented for so there’s lots of wonderful power pop plus Joey Molland’s harder rocking songs, which are really good too (especially “Andy Norris”). There’s also a weird funky song by Pete Ham disturbingly entitled “Matted Hamm”

Crikey! This band played on George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass, Lennon’s Imagine and Ringo’s super “It Don’t Come Easy”. Woulda, shoulda, coulda!

I just finished reading Howard Soune’s excellent biography of Bob Dylan “Down the Highway”, so next I check in, this’ll probably be pretty Dylan-heavy. Catch you on the B-side!

The Aristocrats, (2005, dir. by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette) By David Dedrick

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Featuring: Jason Alexander, Shelley Berman, Lewis Black, David Brenner, Drew Carey, George Carlin, Tim Conway, Andy Dick, Phyllis Diller, Joe Franklin, Judy Gold, Whoopi Goldberg, Gilbert Gottfried, Eric Idle, Eddie Izzard, Richard Lewis, Bill Maher, Howie Mandel, Merrill Markoe, Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling, Michael McKean, Larry Miller, Martin Mull, Kevin Nealon, The Onion editorial staff, Penn & Teller, Emo Philips, Kevin Pollak, Andy Richter, Don Rickles, Chris Rock, Bob Saget, Harry Shearer, the Smothers Brothers, David Steinberg, Jon Stewart, Larry Storch, Rip Taylor, Dave Thomas, Peter Tilden, Bruce Vilanch, Fred Willard, Robin Williams, Steven Wright.

I saw this film on its opening weekend, but I was prevented from writing about it by a bout of dysentery I picked up after a month of working the swing shift at a Mexican burrito factory…

Every so often a piece of art comes along that must fight the weight of societal disapproval and censorship. Such historic battles as Joyce’s Ulysses or Miller’s Tropic of Cancer against the US postal system or the original Bad News Bears versus the parents in my neighbourhood come to mind.

The Aristocrats is a shot across the bow against the current climate of censorship and conservative values that is trying so hard to crush both the arts and free speech these days. In the United States this film is not even rated – bypassing the bunch of phoney-baloney, hypocritical, two-faced creeps that pass for a censorship board in America. I believe it’s rated 18A here in Canada – meaning you have to be eighteen or older to see this film without adult supervision. There are no shocking visuals in this film - well, Bob Saget really close-up and Steven Wright’s hairline; the shock value is all in the words. This is a movie that’s all about words. It’s a celebration of words and the absolute mastery comedians have of language.

It’s a simple joke. Have you heard it? A guy walks into a talent agent’s office and says, “Have I got an act for you!” He then proceeds to describe a family act (usually made up of father, mother, sister, brother, grandma and pet dog) of unheard of viciousness and depravity; more often than not involving elements of incest, bestiality, sado-masochism, vomiting, urination, defecation - and the accompanying coprophilia - necrophilia, murder, suicide…yes, it does tend to go on. At the end of the joke, the agent, understandably shocked, asks the guy the name of the act. “The Aristocrats!” he says.

The joke isn’t very funny. The humour lies in its performance. I didn’t count, but apparently there are over 100 comedians in this movie; most of them very well known, if not by name then at least by face. I have to admit I went to this movie not expecting much. “A bunch of comedians telling the same joke over and over?” I asked myself. “Oy vey!” However, not everyone tells the entire joke and there are so many variations of it that it’s impossible to get bored of it. Even when it’s told in its entirety, it’s interrupted by cuts to other comedians. (There’s a mime version of it! He performs it! In public!) It’s fascinating to see each comedian take the joke and make it his own. Some tell it straight, others deconstruct it. The concept is so flexible; everyone can have his way with it. I guess that’s what makes the joke work; it’s both bad and good.

Most importantly, the film is funny. At one point, I took a sip of pop and then had to spend half a minute laughing with my mouth closed or I would have gagged on it or sent it spraying all over the baseball cap wearing homeys in front of me. Speaking of those guys, my initial thought when I saw them was, “Wrong theatre, dudes. The Dukes of Hazzard is that way.” When one of the guys joined his buddies in the theatre and said, “What movie is this again?” I thought, “Oh, brother.” And one other took a cell phone call as the movie started; I was ready to run from the theatre screaming. Five minutes into the movie though and they were hooked – as was I.

I can guarantee that this movie isn’t for everyone, but if you enjoy the odd dirty joke and are ready to have everything you thought good and decent shredded, soiled and jumped up and down on in front of you, then I can heartily recommend it. Oh, and there’s an old man and an old woman sitting together in a rest home. The old woman turns to the old man and says, “I bet I can guess how old you are.” The old man says, “Okay, how old am I?” She reaches over and unzips his fly; she then puts her hand into his pants and feels around a bit. “You’re eight-seven,” she says. “That’s incredible,” he says. “How did you guess?” And she says, “You told me yesterday."


Link: http://www.thearistocrats.com/
Link: http://www.thinkfilmcompany.com/films/thearistocrats/

Upcoming Concerts By Lezah

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After a fairly dry (in many senses of the word) summer, there look to be a lot of good shows coming up in the Vancouver area over the next couple of weeks. Here’s a partial list:

Brian Wilson (Aug. 29, Queen Elizabeth Theatre): the legendary Wilson is touring ‘Smile’ which was voted onto many ‘Best of…’ lists this year.

Garbage (Aug. 30, Commodore): Grammy Award-nominated pop group, hailing from the US.

New York Dolls (Sept. 1, Commodore): only two of the original guys from the band are still in the land of the living, but these are the gents that kick-started the whole punk thing. Quincy Gold and Black Halos open.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists (Sept. 2, Richards): Paul Weller-type pop rock from NYC; the British press is raving about this band.

Terminal City Block Party (Victory Square, Sept. 5): this free concert runs from 1-8 pm and features Pink Mountaintops, p:ano, Ladyhawk, Calamalka, the Book of Lists, Christa Min, Fond of Tigers and DJ Sipreano.

Oasis (Sept.8, GM Place) apologies, as I’ve never been an Oasis fan, but Jet and Kasabian are opening – they’re not too bad; maybe you could go and just leave early?

Indie Music Video Festival (Sept. 9, Railway Club): Precious Feathers and the Weather appear live; also featured are 40 rarely-seen indie-music videos collected from all over the globe.

The Bravery (Sept. 11, Richards): yet another NYC-based ‘80s-style electro-pop band.

Black Mountain (Sept. 13, Richards): of the famous Vancouver collective; fresh off the Coldplay tour. S.T.R.E.E.T.S. and Christa Min open.

Antony and the Johnsons (Sept. 15, St. Andrews Wesley Church): this is the perfect setting to see this very theatrical crooner – another NYC-based singer that the UK music press is crazy about.

New Pornographers (Sept. 23, Commodore): Vancouver heroes who we don’t get to see play often enough; with Destroyer and Immaculate Machine.

The Killers (Oct. 13, Pacific Coliseum): saw them last year at the much-smaller Commodore – they were good. And you don’t get too many decent bands that call Vegas home…

Bauhaus (Oct. 20, Centre for the Performing Arts): if you can still remember the ‘80s, then maybe this is the show for you – the band returns with its original line-up… and I believe Bela Lugosi is still dead.

Canned Hamm (Oct. 29, Railway Club) ‘Lil Hamm and Big Hamm, the kings of disco-pop, will make you laugh, make you cry and dance uncomfortably close to you. Promises to be fun. Come on, everyone, after me: “Seafood taco!! Ay yai yai yai yai!!”

Thunderbird Summer Festival Horse Show By Lezah

Swank’s Home


If you’re in the Vancouver area this weekend and looking for something a little different to do with yourself, well – how about going to see a horse show?

Yes indeed, running from August 24 to August 28 at the Thunderbird Show Park in Langley (near the junction of 248th Street and Telegraph Trail) is the province’s biggest horse show. With competitors coming from all over North America, there are six rings going non-stop from 8 am to late afternoon over the next five days.

Thunderbird Show Park is home base for two-time Olympian Laura Balisky. Her father, George Tidball, is founder of the Keg Restaurant chain, so it’s no surprise that Sunday’s feature jumper class is the $50,000 Keg Steak House and Bar 4’9” Grand Prix class. Competition promises to be fierce.

Fashion Trend Alert By Lezah

Swank’s Home




Here are some trends that have been appearing for the upcoming fall/winter collections:

- Milan is showing a jet set or international flavour in the clothing lines: Asian, Greek and African inspired clothes have all been shown, with animal prints and safari-inspired outfits appearing in many collections.

- Paris goes casual with denim: D & G were combining denim and lace; Louis Vuitton combined denim and logos; Dior showed sparkling denim; and Marc Jacobs featured big, casual denim coats.